Katie Cramer Donor Drive » Finding Katie a bone marrow donor.

Can it really be three months (12 weeks) ago tomorrow that our dear girl went to be with the Lord?  It seems longer than that…in fact, it feels like years since I’ve seen her face, held her hand, watched her text her friends, heard her laugh, kissed her cheek, dropped her off at a friend’s house. The pain and deep sadness continue to come and go, but the void is always there, always felt.  I am positive it will always be there. I am learning to live with that void.

4:00 AM Monday morning found me lying in bed wide awake and unable to go back to sleep.  When this happens, my mind tries to process this event in our lives. I came to the conclusion (if, at 4:00 AM, you can come to any sane conclusion, I’m not really sure!) that I am determined to make Katie’s death be a blessing in our lives and, hopefully, for others. Trials come to each and every one of us, in all shapes and sizes; how we respond to them is our choice.  I can choose to be happy – without denying the sadness that I feel – and continue to live a fulfilling life.  Yes, this is easier said than done, but I am proving to myself, day after day, that it can be done.

But, more than it just being a choice to be happy, it is also an obligation. (I tried to teach Katie this, and am now having to follow my own instructions!)  When I was home-schooling Katie during her sophomore year of high school, I thought it important to instill some deeper values and ideas, along with the traditional curriculum.  One radio talk-show hosts I greatly admire is Dennis Prager. (In my opinion, he is one of the most intelligent and thought-provoking individuals on radio.)  On his website, he has what he calls “Prager University” from which I pulled one of his talks for Katie, the title of which is “Happiness is a Moral Obligation”.  I had asked her to read it, so we could discuss it later. (True of Katie’s gentle, yet passive-aggressive personality, she said she would read it, but never did! Smiling hereHere is a transcript of his talk, if you care to read it.

http://prageru.com/h1.pdf

It is extremely difficult to be happy after the death of a child, but it is not impossible. The other thing that motivates me is that I know for certain that Katie would want us to be happy.  She does not want us to mope around, wasting precious time on earth.  And even more than that, I am absolutely convinced I WILL see her again and spend eternity with her! This is only a brief separation, in view of eternity.

So, in light of my early morning revelation, bolstered by a determination to make something good come from Katie’s short life and early death, and encouraged by my nightly reading of the book, “Heaven” (Randy Alcorn), I am trying to choose daily to be happy and productive. (Appreciate your prayers here!)  In time, this is where I want to be:

“I don’t look back nostalgically at wonderful moments in my life, wistfully thinking the best days are behind me.  I look at them as foretastes of an eternity of better things.  The buds of this life’s greatest moments don’t shrivel and die; they blossom into greater moments, each to be treasured, none to be lost. Everything done in dependence on God will bear fruit for eternity. This life need not be wasted. In small and often unnoticed acts of service to Christ, we can invest this life in eternity, where today’s faithfulness will forever pay rich dividends.” (“Heaven”, Randy Alcorn, 2004, page 440)

And, as Randy says in the next paragraph…

The best is yet to come!  Amen!

With faith, hope and love,

Sherrie

The Bible says the Lord keeps each of our tears in a bottle. (Psalm 56:8) It also says He will wipe away every tear from our eyes (Rev. 7:17).  I am so thankful He not only sees our tears, but treasures them and will one day, in Heaven, be the only Kleenex we’ll ever need!

I understand my tears of sadness and grief; I also understand my tears of joy.  What bewilders me are the tears which flow when I am neither overly happy, nor sad, but just so overcome with a mixture of emotions I can’t describe – maybe they’re feelings of gratefulness, or awe, or inspiration.  Probably, they’re a combination of all of these.

This is how I felt last week when I opened the door to find a package from FedEx.  As I opened the box and uncovered the item in the box, tears started to well up in my eyes.  Wrapped in beautiful blue crepe paper, tied with flip-flop ribbon, and decorated with butterfly stickers, was an scrapbook album made by a teenager in New Jersey – another Katie – another China adoptee – who had followed our Katie’s journey. 
I turned each page tenderly, though I couldn’t read a thing at that point because the flood of tears blurred my vision so much.  Page after page was beautifully arranged, with contributions from many people: poems, words of comfort, tributes to Katie, scripture verses, pictures.  Many of those who contributed to this album were families who have experienced the joy of adopting; others were from people who have been following Katie’s story.  Each page has unique scrap booking paper and is adorned with themed stickers. There are pictures of our Katie scattered throughout.  It is truly a heart-felt work art! (I will try and get a picture of it up on the website soon.)

A huge thank you to everyone who contributed to this album. Our hearts have been touched by your acts of compassion.

Katie M. – you are absolutely incredible and have such a sweet spirit! Your gift to our family is beyond words, and something we will treasure for a life time! We hope to meet you one day in person so we can give you a gigantic hug!!

Our recovery is continuing, with healing balm applied to our hearts with each act of kindness such as this album.  God bless each of you who have contributed to our recovery.

In faith, love, and hope,

Sherrie

The early morning rainbow on Katie’s birthday! (see last post)

I wanted to give a public thank you to A Beka Academy for refunding the cost of the school books we had ordered for Katie to use for home schooling this school year.  Katie had wanted to return to public school for her Junior year, but that wasn’t possible wither her facing a stem cell transplant. (She had home schooled her Sophomore year, but felt she did better with a more structured environment and was looking forward to returning to school this past fall.)  Knowing I wouldn’t be able to create curriculum and teach her with everything else going on health-wise, we decided to use packaged curriculum (with video streaming for daily lessons) from A Beka Academy.   I was so impressed with all of the online teachers and the content of the curriculum, I was eager for Katie to use the materials we ordered.  Unfortunately, she could never get fully into the curriculum before her health (both mental and physical) started to decline. So, even though A Beka did not have to refund our fees as we were well into the school year and some of the books were slightly used, they graciously gave us a good portion of the money back.  Thank you, A Beka Academy!

Working on taxes now….!

With faith, love, and hope,

Sherrie

(Trent – I want you to know that I will be praying for your daughter and you!)

 I caught the tail end of this message from Dr. David Jeremiah in the car and thought it was so good, I wanted to hear it again.  I pulled it up on the internet and listened without distractions.  What I didn’t know when I first heard this was that it was prompted by what this gentleman had been through – a stem cell transplant for cancer. The message became even more significant to me in light of this information. If you are going through a “disruptive moment” in your life, you might find encouragement as I did by listening to it. It is part one of a two part message.

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/turning-point/player/a-bend-in-the-road-part-1-166766.html

On the surface, it might seem that the death of a child is much more than a “disruptive moment” – it is an earth-shattering event.  At least it is when viewed through our temporal view of life.  But, I am convinced there is more to this life than just what meets the eyes. How do I know? Let me share two recent experiences with you to help me make my point.

As those of you who have followed our journey may have read, the moment Katie physically left this earth there was a unique, sweet smell present – like that of a newborn baby - just prior to and immediately after she left.  Out of this experience, I wrote the poem, “How Heaven Smells”.  That was truly a gift from the Lord for us; I will never forget it!  However, what Michael (Katie’s dad) experienced was something much more…spiritual, for lack of a better word.  At the moment of Katie’s departure, Michael saw what he can only describe as misty “hands” coming down over her, encircling her body, and lifting her spirit up through the ceiling. He was so overcome with what he was seeing, he started shouting “Hallelujah! Hallelujah!”  (Which scared me at the moment, truth be told!) I didn’t see this, but I know Michael wouldn’t make something up of this nature.  I believe what he saw by faith.

Second, on the day which would have been Katie’s 17th birthday, we were staying in a house overlooking the ocean. The panorama of the coast and the ocean view was spectacular in and of itself. The weather the preceding six days had been typical coastal weather – sometime blue sky with clouds, sometimes overcast all day – nothing really noteworthy. However, on Friday, February 25th, the weather was anything but typical. 

v  The early risers in the house (of which I was not one), were treated to a gigantic rainbow spilling straight down into the ocean.  One of the children took a picture of it, which I will try to upload in the near future.

v  When I awoke, the sky was blue with large white and grey clouds…just beautiful!

v  By noon, the sky had turned dark grey with wind blowing hail in sideways!  (I texted my friend who had taken several of the kids into Mendocino warning her to be careful on the road because of the extreme weather; she texted back stating the weather was fine in Mendocino, no hail, no wind…ummm?)

v  By mid-afternoon, it started snowing! On the ocean!  Hard to believe, I know…but, check this out:

            http://www.wunderground.com/history/airport/KUKI/2011/2/11/MonthlyHistory.html    #calendar  (see Friday, Feb. 25)

v  By sunset, the snow had stopped and a hole broke through the thick dark clouds, shining like a spotlight down on the water. Isn’t that gorgeous?!

*Since it was our last night at the house on the ocean, everyone wanted to jump in the hot tub one last time.  When I got out to the hot tub, I was a bit disappointed because I was hoping to see the night sky with all the stars. (On previous nights, the sky was so clear we could see the Milky Way spread across the sky.)  Within a few minutes, the wind blew the clouds away, and the stars were visible for about five minutes, giving us one last glimpse of the heavens’ bounty of lights.

v  The clouds started rolling back in, covering the stars and – it started snowing, again! Since we were sitting in the hot tub, the snow wasn’t an issue.  We were toasty warm, yet if you touched your head, you could hear the crunch of the snow!

Referring to the weather, my friend said, “Katie is saying, ‘Look, mom! Look what I can do!’”  I’m not sure this is biblical; but, it did bring a big smile to my face! This I do know is biblical: The Lord has everything in His control, including the weather and the ocean waves. One example of when Jesus controlled the weather was when his disciples were out in the boat with Him and the weather took a turn for the worse. “When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm.” (Mark 4:39)

I do believe the Lord allowed us to see His power and absolute control over the weather on Katie’s birthday. Does He have control over all things? Absolutely, yes. Did the Lord cause Katie to get cancer and die? No, but He did allow it; it was within His perfect will, and I accept that.  Does that make it easier to bear her death? Yes, it really does. Is it still hard? Absolutely. No way about around that. But, I am convinced that our earth-shattering “bend in the road” has a redeeming purpose behind it. If not, how could I bear this burden?

Thank you to Christine H. for organizing the bone marrow drive at USC (not CSUS!) in downtown Sacramento.  I appreciate you doing this as an honor to Katie!

There are several other ways Katie’s life is being honored: 

v  On April 23rd, the Miss Asia Sacramento Pageant will be held.  This is the pageant Katie was in last spring, and the one in which she won the title of Second Princess and the Academic Achievement Award. This year they will offer a “Spirit of Katie” Academic Achievement award, for which Michael and I will be able to choose the winner and go up on stage to present that award.

v  Katie will be an Honoree at this year’s “Night-the-Light” walk sponsored by the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.  We are going to have a team called “Katie’s Team”…will post more info as that progresses.

v  We were contacted by a woman who has been nominated for “Woman of the Year” by the L&LS.  Rosemary Gong is the author of the book, “Good Luck Life, The Essential Guide to Chinese American Celebrations and Culture” and lives in San Francisco. She was diagnosed with AML in June 2008, and underwent a stem cell transplant in March 2009. She wants to include Katie’s story in her honoree section and bring attention to the need for more bone marrow donors. Thank you, Rosemary.

v  Also, Katie’s high school, El Camino, will have a section to remember Katie. Thank you, Aislinn, for taking on this project! 

Please continue to remember Sara in your prayers.  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/saraco/guestbook 

Sorry for the lengthy post! Almost every day I want to post something, but don’t.  So, when I do – it’s a whopper! 

With faith, love, and hope

I’m learning the world keeps on spinning, even when yours has stopped.  So, in my effort to catch up with the world, this post will be in brief snippets!

Thanks to a very generous couple from our church, our family was able to enjoy a week on the coast near Mendocino.  We had an absolutely amazing time with family and friends enjoying a fantastic ocean view, hot tub, tons of good food, movies, walks on the beach, and much needed down-time.  Katie’s 17th birthday would have been last Friday, and we celebrated it with cupcakes, sharing memories, and a rousing birthday song! It was a difficult day made much easier by this very liberal gift. Thank you, Brad and Paula!

Cathy Doheny, a writer for Asian Fortune News, was named a 2011 Ethnic Media Award Winner for her article, “Asian Americans desperately needed to join Be The Match Marrow Registry” published July 2010.  In this article, Cathy included an interview with our family and our plight to find a bone marrow donor for Katie. Cathy was also very kind by dedicating her award to Katie and another little girl, Angel Chittaphong, who is battling Alpha-Thalassemia. Congratulations, Cathy, on your award, and thank you for your help in getting out the word about the “Be the Match” registry!

Here is Cathy’s article:

 http://www.asianfortunenews.com/site/article_0710.php?article_id=9

Another mom whose son, Joey, was diagnosed with AML five years ago is participating in a St. Baldrick’s head shaving event.  Sharon Raimondo is going to shave her head in honor of Joey, Katie, Trevor, and several other children. Please support Sharon’s bravery and the bravery of all of the children who have fought and continue to fight cancer by clicking on the link below.  Small donations are more than welcome, too! Money donated goes directly to benefiting childhood cancer research.  Thank you, Sharon, for your courage!

http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/participantid/414681

Thank you, also, to the Cowan School family for fund-raising for AADP (Asian American Donor Program), and thank you to Arcade Middle School for doing the “Pennies for Patients” program with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society! I can vouch for both of these great organizations – both supported our family in a countless number of ways.

Last, but certainly least, please pray for Sara who is battling osteoscarcoma. She and her family are having a very difficult time right now and they need our prayers and encouragement.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/saraco

I’m sorry, but I just hate cancer, especially childhood cancer. Cancer in adults is one thing (though I’m not making light of the seriousness of that); but, cancer in children is something else. Honestly, it’s just despicable! That’s all. Despicable.

Well, our family continues on the long and windy road of healing. David and Anna are doing fair, but each still grieves in their own unique way. Michael is back to work full-time (or more than full-time, if you understand being self-employed!).  My tsunamis are less frequent and less intense (except on Katie’s birthday).  It’s just the aching hole in my heart that, at times, seems impossible to fill.  Jesus continues to be my source of strength and hope.  I can’t imagine going through this without His great love and the hope of Heaven!

In faith, love, and hope,

Sherrie